The Most Horrible Birthday EVER
by River Laren
Summary: Sasuke knew this day couldn't be good. It never was, but on top of that his stupid team would try to make it "special". Which always ended up in something like, "Teme, you bit me!" Oneshot. Crack. Slight SasuSaku.


**This was originally meant for Sasuke's actual birthday (July 23rd), but we can always celebrate it late, right? (Say yes.) :)**

Thursday morning when Sasuke woke up he groaned. Because he knew today was going to be miserable. It always was. It always would be too, thanks to certain idiots who-

Well he shouldn't dwell upon certain aspects of life, because that would only make him even _more_ upset. And that wouldn't be good. Not today.

Resolving never to look at the calendar again, the Uchiha pushed himself up off the bed. He determinedly looked at the opposite wall as he went about his morning routine. And although he would _never_ admit it, deep down he wasn't sure what he wanted to happen today. His "Uchihaness" as Sakura and Naruto had dubbed it, would prefer to forget that this mundane looking morning was his birthday. The human part of him would never forgive them if they did.

So he would simply let whatever happened today happen, although he would have to declare some death threats to make it look good.

Despite his earlier "resolve", he glanced at the calendar on his way to the kitchen for his usual dish of boiled eggs for breakfast. He purposely lingered on the threshold so he could gaze at it an extra minute.

Thursday the twenty third of July had a small star beside the date because Sasuke had not been able to help himself. He blamed in on the memories. His mother would always mark the date on the calendar, although his father wouldn't allow extreme excitement over birthdays, because he was raising his boys to be the best shinobi that had ever touched a kunai. But Sasuke could still remember the small to-do she would make about it when he was young, and he had always looked forward to that day. Until they had died and Itachi- he quickly cut off that thought.

But now that he was older he knew he shouldn't care one way or the other. He was alive, that should be enough to celebrate. His birthday was just a reminder that he had not achieved his goals in another year.

Sasuke ate his breakfast slowly.

Naruto had probably come up with some stupid "special" event for the day.

The "birthday boy" would probably be mortified and disgraced for at least twelve hours.

Kakashi would refuse to train because he had a "legitimate" excuse.

Sakura would probably bring him some semi-sentimental gift and stand there awkwardly while he was reminded of other awkward moments. Then she would ignore him the rest of the day.

_Tch. Annoying. _Sasuke thought irately.

He set his glass in the sink on his way out of the door. It would be best, he supposed, to pretend it was any other day. Maybe then they would forget and he could avoid the embarrassment of the day.

He walked to the train grounds.

As normal, Sakura was the only living creature around. Everything else was still asleep.

So, like normal, Sasuke asked her to spar. And without hesitation, she agreed.

Sasuke was enjoying himself immensely. Fighting a decent opponent was refreshing, especially when he did not have the burden of hate choking him. They were simply enjoying themselves, although he _was_ determined to win their little contest. It was a matter of pride.

He was hiding in a tree waiting for her to walk beneath him. It was the perfect trap. Sakura, as predicable as she always was, would stand her ground as he dived toward her. With his speed she would be unable to fully prepare her blow, and he could capture her before she recovered. Sasuke smirked.

When she did just that, Sasuke leapt at her. He caught her chakra infused fist and flipped it around behind her. "I won." He whispered in her ear, ignoring the sweet smell of her hair.

"I let you, it's your birthday." She chirped happily.

Sasuke scowled and shoved her away. No one _let_ him win. Ever. He earned his victories. "Pride is very unbecoming, _Sakura_."

She rolled her eyes. "So is hypocrisy."

His eyes narrowed and he took a step closer. "What about lying?"

"What about trying to intimidate a lady?" Her pink hair fell against her face when she tilted her head.

Sasuke inched closer. "I don't think this counts as intimidation, _my lady_."

"So you finally asked her out, did you, Sasuke?" Kakashi teased from above them.

Naruto crashed through the forest just in time to hear that. Unfortunately, the blonde could not decipher Kakashi's teasing tone from his serious one; which resulted in his making a _very_ serious mistake. A big one like hugging Sasuke and Sakura together and loudly proclaiming, "It's about _time_, Teme! I was beginning to think that you would never admit your feelings to Sakura-chan! Just think, on _her_ birthday you can purpose, and then get married on _mine_, and she can tell you about the kids on yours again! I-"

Naruto was unable to finish because the "lovers" were beating him senseless.

Kakashi just shook his head and flipped a page in his book.

"Oww! You bit me!" Naruto yelled at Sasuke in the distance.

"Hn, stop acting like a girl, dobe."

"Oh yeah, I'm the girl. You're the one who bit me!"

"You should be more careful, Sakura," he told the girl when she was flung up to the limb beside him. "Naruto should not be able to dodge you so easily."

Sakura angrily shoved his hand off her arm. She was officially livid with "these three idiots", as she put it. "Get out of my way, old man!" She growled.

Kakashi managed to look angry and almost "dainty" at the same time. "Some old man that you can't even look me in the eye during a fight!"

And so that was the events that caused the Most Epic Fight in Remembered Konoha History.

Tsunade sat in her office staring blankly at paperwork. She glanced up from her "work" as Shizune entered. "They have been placed in the holding cells, Hokage-sama."

She nodded. "Good. Maybe time will cool them down some. Naruto and Sasuke never give up, do they?"

Shizune just raised an eyebrow. She had thought that had been demonstrated in the past.

"Baa-chan!" was heard faintly. And then again in a shriek, _"Baa-chan!_ They're coming through the bars! _Help!"_

Tsunade scowled. "He knows better than to call me that."

"But Lady Tsunade! He could be murdered!" Shizune protested disbelievingly.

"Nah, not today. Besides, it's Sasuke's birthday."

Down in the prison, Sasuke was following the same line of thought. Naruto had asked for it, and sweet revenge would make this birthday one to remember. He didn't even mind that Sakura was helping him terrorized the Dobe.

When they were done and Tsunade let them out, Sakura looked at him and laughed.

He raised an eyebrow. "What."

She shook her head. "I was just remembering the look on your face when-" A blush covered her face. "Um…have you eaten yet?"

Because he was famished, Sasuke went with her to a restaurant; or that was what he told himself anyway.

Sakura looked at him shyly and smiled. "By the way, Happy Birthday, Sasuke."

He returned her smile with a smirk. So maybe this day wasn't _so_ bad.

**So now you get to review! :)**


End file.
